The Phoenix King
by The Jashinist and Peeves
Summary: An outcast, an artist, a Jashinist, and an old bounty hunter become involved in a war between a powerful nation and an organization none of them know much about. What could possibly go wrong? A lot more than anyone thought. Parallel-universe fic. Rated T for language and gore, because for frick's sake Hidan.
1. Chapter 1

The Phoenix King

Chapter 1

_A/N: Brand new story, sorry, couldn't help it. And yes, it is alternate-universe shit, which I based off of the upcoming OVA in Ultimate Ninja Storm Revolution...don't ask I'm way too hyped for that game. R&R, Tell me what you think. Yes, Sasori, Deidara, Kakuzu, and Hidan are my favorite Akatsuki, don't even ask that question._

* * *

The wind whipped through Sasori's already messy red hair, tangling grains of sand in the strands if crimson. The shinobi stood still, nonetheless.

He smelled blood on the wind.

The wind died down and Sasori opened his russet eyes. Blood in the desert, that never meant anything good. You learned a few things from fifteen years in a barren desert and twenty wandering around like you're lost as shit. Blood in the Land of Wind, especially when the smell was half a day's walk from Sunagakure, usually was the result of something nasty. Sure enough, upon getting closer to the smell, he found quite the battle ground; the victor had long since abandoned the loser, whose body had been moved since the battle. He glanced around, poisoned needles, from the noxious smell in the air, a poisoned smoke bomb or two was detonated.

A strong puppet-user had battled here, but he had lost. Sasori felt an unexpected pull from his emotional side. A pull he swiftly ignored.

He stepped back and began heading in the opposite direction. Curiosity had gotten the better of him, nothing else; he wanted to know who could have possibly won a fight against a strong Sunagakure puppet-user, much less one that used poison gas.

Kai, Sasori needed to find Kai.

* * *

Sasori stepped into Kai's weapon shop to be assaulted by massive amounts of yelling, which was going on between a teenage shinobi behind the counter and another shinobi of roughly the same age. The teenager was much smaller, and clearly younger (despite being much more intelligent. A small blonde with wild blue eyes, full of emotion and intelligence, he seemed likable, Iwa, judging by his headband. The other was a Yugakure shinobi, which never meant much good. He was already volatile in voice and words, the angry violet eyes didn't help.

"I told you," the shinobi behind the counter yelled, "Kai's in the basement, he's working out a transaction with a bounty hunter!"

"I want to see that asshole!" the other shinobi bellowed, "He owes me for that crap he sold me for double the price!"

"My grenades aren't crap!" the blonde growled, "Now get out! No one wants you here!"

"I'll be here whether people want me here or not!" the shinobi retorted.

"Please," Sasori interrupted, rubbing his temples, "leave, no one wants you here." The shinobi behind the counter looked surprised to see Sasori, then a devious smile spread across his face. Crooked, there was another trait to keep in mind; the kid had a crooked smile.

"I've seen you," he leaned on the counter, "bounty hunters don't hunt you, yet you're in their books, un." Sasori flinched at the verbal tic at the end of the teen's lightly accented speech. The accent itself seemed a little odd and out of place for an Iwagakure shinobi like this one, but the tic seemed impossible for a shinobi. Speech impediments like that, in Suna at least, were trained out of a shinobi; it made them easy to be identified by an enemy.

"Hey, Red," the shinobi waved his hand tentatively, "you alright? What's up, un?"

"I know what it is," the other shinobi leaned against the counter, "Sunagakure shinobi have speech impediments trained out of them."

"It's a verbal tic numbskull," the first snapped, "and Iwagakure only fixes problems like stuttering, verbal tics are a hassle to train out of someone, un."

"Because they slip up when they get overly excited," the second teased. Kai walked in from the back room with an olive skinned bounty hunter in tow.

"Oh Christ Deidara," he sighed, "I told you to keep Hidan out!"

"Don't blame me!" the blonde shinobi, Deidara apparently, argued, "You never told me what he looked like, un." The other shinobi looked between them, running a hand through his silver hair. Sasori guessed that his was Hidan.

"Like an idiot!" Kai shoved the small shinobi away from the counter.

"Because that was specific," Deidara scoffed under his breath.

"I don't think I look like an idiot," Hidan muttered under his breath. Kai sighed heavily.

"What did you need Sasori?" he asked, "All my mercenaries are out. I can't help you with that."

"You've got two mercs and a bounty hunter in the room and you say you have none?" Sasori raised an eyebrow, "I was only looking for news, nothing more. A puppet user got beaten near Suna recently, a strong one. I wanted to know if there are any shinobi nearby who are capable of that. Y'know, besides Jashinists, because the user was poisoned."

"Weren't there two nutjobs heading for the Land of Rivers passing through yesterday?" Deidara asked, "The ones that killed Kuroten, un."

"The Akatsuki members?" Kai rubbed his temples, "You'd need at least a four-man cell to get into their territory, they're all S-Rank on the kill-list. Complete monsters. If you're just curious to know what they're up to, don't bother."

"There was an emergency cell of Konoha shinobi you just missed too," Hidan mentioned, "headed for Suna, they sounded like it was bad."

"Oh yeah, them," Kai ran his hands through his hair, "Kakuzu, you're pretty good with news, what's the deal?"

"You saw Suna rack up their border patrol right?" the bounty hunter glanced to Sasori, "They haven't done that since their last Kazekage was found dead." Sasori flinched at that sharp memory. Then Sasori remembered the name, Kakuzu, the shinobi that knew everything. He'd never seen the illusive man before, but had heard of how intimidating he could be. Over a head taller than both Deidara and Sasori with dark hair and frightening green eyes was pretty damn intimidating.

"So you think the current Kazekage is missing?" Sasori asked, trying to shake off the weird feeling he got from Kakuzu.

"Those Akatsuki had a body with them," Deidara noted, "I don't know what any of you are thinking, but I'm curious to see how this pans out, un."

"Deidara it's the Akatsuki," Kakuzu glared at the excited teenager, "not the bumbling terrorists you've worked for."

"I won't go unless there are people willing to come with," Deidara assured the older man. Sasori sighed, they'd worked together, no honorifics, and the clearly arrogant Deidara didn't mind.

"I'll go," Hidan smirked, "I've been looking for action, being out of work fucking sucks."

"It's my home village," Sasori looked to Kai, "and missing nin don't fare well during wars."

"I swear you three are like toddlers," Kai sighed.

"I'll go," Kakuzu offered, "Deidara's not exactly even tempered."

"Oh goddamn it Kakuzu!"

* * *

_Kai does show up later, enjoy that fun fact, and yes, I did make Hidan and Deidara argue in the first goddamn chapter. I just imagine them arguing a lot. Hidan's really pissy so it makes sense. Tell me what you think of this, I know I never warned you about it, but...mah brain is weird._


	2. Chapter 2

The Phoenix King

Chapter 2

_Hardest part of this fanfic: coming up with OCs to replace four Akatsuki members. This one's kind of jumpy, because i suck at action scenes I'm gonna skip this one because one person fighting another is hard enough, writing a four-on-two battle is hell in a can._

_Edit: Dear person asking who Kai is-He's an OC I made as a side character, he is totally irrelevant to the story, so don't worry about him, he's just sorta there in the scene as a very non-persuasive voice of reason._

_Anyway, enjoy._

* * *

"Welcome to fuck-town," Hidan joked, stepping into the Akatsuki territory, "population: idiots and criminals, sometimes both."

"We're the only 'both' in that sentence," Deidara reasoned, slapping Hidan upside the head, "so: Fuck. You, hm." Hidan raised an eyebrow and flipped Deidara off behind the blonde's back.

"You're so charming," Sasori sighed sarcastically, "like getting hit by a rock."

"Hey," Hidan pointed to the redhead, "I am plenty charming."

"You have the charm of a bowl full of acupuncture needles," Deidara retorted, "and the intelligence of a small child, hm."

"This negative image you guys have of me is kind of annoying," Hidan put his hands in his pockets and followed Deidara, Sasori in tow. Kakuzu didn't follow.

"You coming Kakuzu-san?" Deidara asked, "We've only got a little time to jump into any fights, hm."

"If we can," Hidan noted, "though I would enjoy that."

"You just enjoy strife."

"That I do."

Kakuzu finally crossed into the territory, following behind the younger shinobi.

* * *

At the Akatsuki base, a strange creature had already picked up their presence.

"Another group," it said, "missing-nin, they're very strong, all of them. They're headed this way."

"That's just weird," an Akatsuki member said, "I understand Konoha, it's Suna's ally, but random missing-nin? They have to be passing through."

"They're not," the creature said, "they're heading straight for us."

"Perhaps," another member said, "one is of Sunagakure."

"There is one," the creature said, "but aside from that, an Iwagakure, a Takigakure, and a Yugakure."

"Hatsu, Maki," the leader looked to two members, "after the sealing, move to intercept these four, we don't need missing-nin knowing anything."

"Makes sense," the Akatsuki named Maki nodded.

"We'll flay 'em," the Akatsuki named Hatsu smirked.

* * *

"What are the Akatsuki supposed to be after anyway?" Hidan asked.

"I've heard a lot of stuff," Deidara tapped his toe to the ground, "my old man used to say they were after the biju. They were after him, so it makes sense, hm."

"Who?" Hidan asked.

"You're Roshi's kid?" Kakuzu looked the blonde up and down, "I guess there's a little resemblance."

"I look more like my mom," Deidara shrugged.

"Biju though?" Hidan glanced behind him, "They're already tough to get out of their hosts, why bother trying to control such an ornery thing?"

"Did you just use a large word?" Deidara asked, "Correctly, hm?"

"I'm not as stupid as you people give me credit for," Hidan crossed his arms, a big proud smile on his face.

"Sabaku no Gaara," Sasori interrupted, "he's Ichibi's jinchuriki."

"Well we're fucked," Deidara sighed, "at this rate a war's gonna erupt, hm."

"I'll manage," Kakuzu said, "I always have."

"Yeah well I barely survived the last war," Sasori argued, "I'm not keen on trying to survive the next one." Kakuzu stopped, Sasori glanced to him.

"We've got company," Kakuzu said, turning to a shinobi behind him, a tall and thin skeleton of a man with dark hair and bright green eyes.

"Look what we've got Maki," he smirked, "I didn't expect us to have infamous shinobi after us."

"Zetsu said they'd be strong," another shinobi stepped out from the woods, this one just as thin but shorter, with plain brown hair and eyes, "he never said they were on our list."

"List?" Hidan and Deidara exchanged confused glances.

"Replacements," Kakuzu narrowed his eyes, "they've been keeping tabs on missing-nin."  
"So lowlifes," the first Akatsuki pulled a kunai from inside his cloak, "before this turns into a useless loss of life. Passing through or ulterior motives?"

"Not too keen on people finding out about your little hunts are you?" Deidara smirked, a hand reaching for the pouch around his waist.

"Too bad we don't much care," Hidan smirked, pulling a scythe from his back.

"Please tell me you're not a close range combatant," Kakuzu sighed.

"Why is close range such a bad thing?" Sasori pulled a scroll from his back.

"I don't do well with close range partners," Kakuzu explained.  
"He really doesn't," Deidara agreed, "we'd be best off hanging back, hm."

"I'm shit at long range," Hidan turned the scythe towards the Akatsuki members in front of him, "I think I'll manage fine, you three fuckers haven't seen me in action." The first Akatsuki looked to his partner.

"So what do you think Maki?" he asked, "total obliteration or beat them within an inch of their lives."

"We should show other missing nin what happens when they get in the way of the Akatsuki," the second, Maki, replied, "leave one alive, Hatsu, but just barely."

"Ooh," the first, Hatsu, flicked out several blades, "a little bit of both. No worries kiddies, your death'll be quick and painful."

"Fuck you!" Hidan screamed, flicking his scythe at the Akatsuki. He spun out of the way and threw the blades towards the other three. Deidara cursed quietly and disappeared into the ground, leaving Sasori and Kakuzu to deal with the oncoming blades.

These were times Sasori was glad he was a puppet user.

"A chakra shield," Maki pulled a naginata from his back, "and the other one with some technique that hardens his skin. The other two, one's good with evasion, the other's just an idiot." Maki swung the naginata at Hidan, who ducked under the blade and snatched up his scythe to counter, a counter that was blocked by Maki just as swiftly as his own swing was dodged.

"Looks like your little blonde friend was unreliable," Hatsu teased, "he must've ran off."

"Maybe you should look behind you," Kakuzu said. Hatsu turned to see a clay bird coming straight at him.

"Katsu!"

The clay bird exploded, nearly taking Hatsu with in the blast. When the dust cleared, Deidara stood at the edge of the explosive crater, seemingly unaffected by the shockwave that had hit the rest of the shinobi like a punch in the gut.

"I'm not one to run away," the blonde smirked, "not when I have a chance to show off, hm."

"You damn artists," Kakuzu sighed.

"We get that a lot," Sasori smiled. Maki snarled and flicked Hidan's scythe from his hand.

"I take it back Hatsu," he said, "You can kill all of them. No missing nin would dare follow these fools." Deidara and Sasori glanced at each other. Deidara's crooked smiled returned to his face and he formed two more clay birds.

"We'll see who's dead by the end of this, hm."

* * *

The dust had barely cleared when Sasori got a glimpse of his opponents running, with his two younger companions running after, screaming jeers and curses at the battered men.

"How do they get that energy?" Kakuzu asked, pulling off his face mask to better catch his breath, "I've got stamina but that's ridiculous."

"Lets kids be kids I suppose," Sasori smirked, "they're enjoying themselves, I'd embrace that they actually managed to not get killed."

"Something's wrong with that silver haired one," Kakuzu shook his head, "What was his name again? Hidan?"

"I think so," Sasori nodded, "I think he's a Jashinist. I haven't seen many of them but they're not normal." Sasori watched the two younger shinobi turn back to their companions and return to the former battlefield. Deidara was wearing a wild grin in excitement, nothing seemed more enjoyable to him at the moment but the fact that they'd won a fight against two Akatsuki members. Hidan was smiling too, but in a more sinister manner. Kakuzu was right, something was off about him. While Deidara was a little battered from any point where he almost got caught in a crossfire or two, Hidan looked like he should have died awhile ago, most of his injuries were bad, and one on his side was practically gushing blood. He didn't seem to notice this at all.

"Having fun there?" Kakuzu asked, ignoring the elephant in the room that was the mortally injured Hidan.

"Fuck yes!" Hidan shoved Deidara leaving a bloody handprint on the artist's sleeve, "That was way easier than I thought it would be!"

"You nearly got blown to bits twice!" Deidara argued, "By **me**, hm!"

"Well I get in people's way," Hidan shrugged, "I can't die from crossfire so I figure: what the hell?"

"What?" Deidara paused, looking extremely confused, "How can you not die from crossfire, hm?" Sasori glanced to Kakuzu, something was very, very wrong here. Deidara saw it too; he was looking between Kakuzu and Hidan, his eyes begging for an explanation that Kakuzu didn't have. Hidan seemed completely unfazed by this until Sasori spoke up.

"More importantly," he said, "how are you not dead?" Hidan looked at the injury on his side and nodded his head, as if in agreement. Deidara and Kakuzu were both wearing looks of complete confusion by this point. Sasori kept his neutral facial expression, but was getting more and more horrified by the second and trying hard to not show it. As if he finally understood why they were all staring at him like he'd just been summoned up from the depths of Hell, Hidan mouthed _oh_ and smiled sheepishly.

"Did I not tell you guys?" Hidan pushed stray hair from his face, "I'm immortal."

* * *

_*Bangs on keyboard for dramatic effect*  
_

_I needed a good way to end the chapter, and Hidan revealing that he couldn't die seemed appropriate. I am hinting that Deidara and Kakuzu have worked together in the past, if only because Kakuzu doesn't seem like the type to go after bounties alone ALL the time, and Deidara, in my headcanon, just took jobs if they paid well and he could show off his art.  
_

_Review if it floats your boat._

_-The Jashinist_


End file.
